Shocker! TMZ Reports LAPD Plans To Reopen Natalie Wood Death Investigation

natalie-woodIt’s being reported by TMZ that the Los Angeles County Sheriff will hold a press conference tomorrow (11/18) to announce the reopening of the investigation surrounding the mysterious death of Academy Award-nominated actress NATALIE WOOD. Found floating off the coast of Catalina Island on Thanksgiving weekend 30 years ago, the actress had spent the previous cocktail-fueled evening on a luxury yacht with husband ROBERT WAGNER and co-star CHRISTOPHER WALKEN (with whom she was working on the film BRAINSTORM). Until now, the official theory has been that she slipped and fell overboard while trying to secure a dinghy that had come loose in the night. But, given the setting and cast of characters involved, salacious rumors have always circulated around the case. We spoke with WAGNER a few years back in conjunction with the publication of his autobiography and he talked about how the family dealt with the tabloid rumors and innuendo. (CLICK ON THE MEDIA BAR FOR AUDIO)

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LINDSAY LOHAN REPORTEDLY ACCUSED OF BATTERING REHAB STAFFER

One of Lindsay Lohan's mug shots

One of Lindsay Lohan's mug shots

If true, it must have been quite a battle.

Palm Desert cops, in the early hours back on the 12th got a battery call from Betty Ford rehab.

Trying to sort things out after arriving, the story they allegedly got from a Ford female staff person (according to TMZ) is that famous guest Lindsay Lohan (reportedly) went out with other Ford guests to a tavern for who-knows-what.

The why and how she got out of the clinic is a separate story, argument.

Then when Lohan (and her friends?) returned, she got confronted by the staffer where a brawl unfolded and “hand-to-hand battery” further unfolded (occurred).

And the TMZ snitch alleges that the lady staff person wants to prosecute Ms. Lohan for the (reportedly, alleged) attack. (sic)

The prosecutor is still chewing on the case to see if it’s worth the People’s money to go to court.

JUSTIN BIEBER LEARNS THE DOWNSIDE OF SUPERSTARDOM

Justin Bieber Kevin Aranabar of Kerosine Photogra[here (CC 2.0)

Justin Bieber courtesy Kevin Aranibar of Kerosene Photography (CC 2.0)

Most might believe that there are few things worse than remaining anonymous in the age of media.  Well, take the case of teen rock star Justin Bieber, whose fairy tale young life seems the template of every teenage boy.

Bieber was playing laser tag, and then the story from here-on has two versions.  Bieber‘s version is that (according to TMZ yesterday) one of the boys called Bieber a hateful vernacular for gay.

Then the kid with the raw mouth, along with others, got very close to Bieber where he feared that the over-enthused fans might do to him what they historically do.  In his haste to get away, Bieber pushed through the wall of kids where some were touched.

The father of the boy who allegedly made the gay-bashing insult is suing Bieber, saying that his son was injured.  Bieber is 16, the boy in the lawsuit is 12 and the tweeny’s father is a lawyer.

If we were cynical we might speculate about tort attorneys and opportunities.  If we were sarcastic we might conclude that a pampered, narcissistic bubblegum idol didn’t want fans to get any closer than his concert stage security fence after they paid at the gate.

Canadian cops are trying to unravel the mess.

Of course getting loved to death by your hero-worshiping fans might not be a bad way to go.  But not at 16.

COPS VERSES POLYGAMY RIGHTS MEANS RATINGS FOR ‘SISTER WIVES’

"Sister Wives," eight isn't enough (TLC) © 2010 Discovery Communications, LLC

"Sister Wives," where eight isn't enough (TLC) © 2010 Discovery Communications, LLC

Thirteen children, three wives, a fiancée and one husband.  Now add one Utah County Attorney and you have a polygamist family with a PR-dreamy cop-standoff, marriage-for-everyone rights angle reality show that couldn’t have been better if it had been created by Diana Christensen from Network.

Well, it all began on a dark and stormy day when TLC announced that it would present an edgy, in-your-face with attitude reality show about polygamists (un)cleverly titled Sister Wives.

Kody Brown and his “commitment” wives are shown in their daily routines where each wife is unbelievably happily segregated in separate rooms with her individual children.

“This is a story that needs to be told,” Kody said without busting out laughing to a room full of moon-faced reporters.  “I think that by simply telling this story and not getting into prejudices (or the joint) it actually helps the society to understand.” Like pedophilia, where we all understand that dirty old men need little boy-raping love too.

Well, Utah apparently doesn’t care much about polygamy if you don’t flaunt it (five years on the books but seldom prosecuted), but since Brown has gone out of his way to stick his finger in powerful eyes, the AG may now be close to charging the gang with felony bigamy crimes, according to TMZ.

While polygamy is the next to the last taboo, it means that it’s been overdue for civil and human rights status with angry celebrities shaming everyone as racist-sexist-homophobe-islamaphobe-nativist bigots for blocking progress.  And get ready to be condemned as polygaphobe, because there’s nothing as powerful as an idea whose time has come.  So relax Kody, history is on your side.

SEND YOUR MONEY TO SAVE OCTOMOM’S MANSION!

Nadya "Octomom" Sulman in better times courtesy "Weekly In Touch" magazine

Nadya "Octomom" Sulman in better times, courtesy "In Touch" magazine

Poor little Octomom (born Nadya Suleman 35 years ago) will be thrown into the street along with her octets (14 actually) if she doesn’t pony-up nearly a half-mil in four days.  

TMZ swears (well, reports) that Suleman is keeping the wolf from the estate gates with promises of a last-moment payment.  And don’t think she’s been sitting around counting the hours on the clock face (n)either because Suleman held a laborious garage sale not long ago.

So, just like Little Nell, Suleman will be able to spit in Simon Lagree‘s eye before final curtain (that is, by this Saturday), maybe.

But she’ll need your help!  So get off your dead butt and send whatever you can afford ($1000 – $500,000) to that girl who’s only crime (defect) was wanting to live like an empress without the humiliation of laboring like a common, sweating wage slave.

So if you don’t want Suleman to grow old before her time (or take that porno payday that’s been allegedly dangled in front of her) send your charity to Carny Mike Cartel where as much as 1.001% may or may not go to her.  Contributions here are not tax deductible, but what’s your conscience worth?