Charlie Sheen from Wall Street. ©20th Century Fox

When first reported, the lady in question during the Charlie Sheen (Oct. 25) hotel dumping caper was described as an “escort.”  Now out of the closet and screaming in the street, the lady has a name (Capri Anderson) and is labeled everywhere as a “porn star,” and even “adult-film actress.”  In another week she’ll likely only answer to Duchess.

Well, Anderson’s side of the story is that Charlie, a hell of a nice guy with nitwit ideas about 9-11 when sober, but something else again when his medication reacts harshly with reality, had the devil in him that darkandstomy night at the Plaza.

One of Sheen’s many keepers, lawyer Yale Galanter said Anderson’s story is (allegations are) a “blatant attempt to cash in on his celebrity,” and that “(Anderson) never made any allegation to the police of any wrongful conduct on the part of Mr. Sheen the night of the incident and she had every opportunity to do so.”

The facts are that (cops say) Anderson was found locked yelling in the bathroom of Sheen’s suite as investigators stumbled over broken hotel property.

Today on ABC’s Good Morning America, Anderson breathlessly told a spellbound George Stephanopoulos and countless TV addicts, that she’s suing Sheen for battery and false imprisonment, and will file a criminal report with NYPD.

Anderson then said that the million-plus dollar an episode actor did everything but set fire to the hotel by throwing a lamp at her (and missing?), clutching her throat, snorting a “a white powdery substance,” while yelling racial rants.

Anderson claimed that she was hired for $3,500 just to have dinner with Sheen.  Although she did admit that when back at the hotel room “there was a little bit of romance, if you will.”(?)

After cops arrived at the Plaza with the (alleged) hysterical girl and wrecked apartment, Sheen agreed to go under a “psychiatric evaluation,” then disappeared with an entourage in a black helicopter (not really).  Sheen’s publicist creatively said that his charge had an “adverse reaction to medication.”

After the incident, Anderson (creatively?) said that Sheen offered her “a sum of money,” by text.

To Sheen and his handlers the affair is a an ongoing humiliation; to the media, a page one godsend; to the scandal-loving, a life; to the Sheen fans, apparently nothing, since it only enhances his bad-boy image (great news for the Sheen franchise).

However, if the Plaza-Sheen event isn’t real melodrama with clear heroes, villains and victims, it does rise to Sam Harris‘ definition of bad theater; no one to root for.