Michael Lohan mug shot

Nearly upstaging his own daughter’s front page, Michael Lohan made news by getting himself attacked yesterday.

Cops say that Lohan (Michael) says that he got to scufflin’ with “a white man” on the streets of Santa Monica.  The attacker went down, ran away, and was pursued by Lohan.  With blood dripping here and there, Lohan stopped to inspect the damage to his neck and forearm.

Santa Monica’s finest say that it was more likely an assault with a deadly weapon than a robbery.

The suspect is still slithering in and out of the shadows with the blood of Michael Lohan on his cruel teeth.  Detectives did not say that the suspect was a vampire wearing a ‘I bite fathers who neglect their daughters‘ shirt.

Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan schlepped into Beverly Hills court on parole issues where she made far bigger news by getting rehab instead of threatened jail time.

Michael Lohan has used his shrewd intellect to create a most colorful life.  Good pedigree, Wall Street trader by 20, jailbird for not squealing on other alleged insiders, frustrated actor, father of a skyrocketed kid star who became a famously troubled woman, photogenic family that rendered into public sniping and divorce; jailed again for DUI; hustling self-promoter for various reality projects; engaged and disengaged when his fiance alleged that Lohan kicked her in the face.  Schmarta to whining eldest daughter who poleaxed him with a 2005 song, Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father) and who continues to blame him for all her issues.

And Michael’s not done yet.

Posted by Carny Mike Cartel