Throw me any Bruce Willis movie and I’m all in; whether it reaches the sky (Pulp Fiction, The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Die Hard), sets me back to the city streets (16 Blocks, Billy Bathgate), or takes my cash and plays me for a two-bit chump (Striking Distance, Sunset).  RED lands somewhere in the middle of Willis’ impressive oeuvre, not quite as cool or funny as Lucky Number Slevin and nowhere near as action packed as Last Man Standing (a criminally overlooked Walter Hill picture).  If I had the choice between RED or Jimmy the Kid, I’d probably watch Perfect Stranger.

The movie starts off in a highly promising fashion: Frank Moses is  bored and a wee lonesome, a former black-ops CIA agent who is crushing on Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker, still charming trapped in a cubicle), the telephone operator who handles his retirement checks.  Although neither have no idea what the other person looks like (the potential lovebirds don’t do Skype), they form a subtle bond with their weekly phone chats (Frank even reads the same romance novel which holds Sarah’s attention).  When a group of assassins descend on Frank’s domicile and fail to eliminate him, he blows up his suburban existence (literally) and engages in one final mission; terminate who or what organization is trying to kill him.  Fearing for her safety, Frank kidnaps Sarah and rounds up his former crew (Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich) to aid him on his quest.  Unfortunately, his buddies are a touch older and may be slightly off their game.  Marvin (Malkovich) is a complete nut job who believes the government is watching his every movement, Joe (Freeman) is luxuriating in a retirement home, spending most of his energy ogling at a caretaker’s derriere, and Victoria (Helen Mirren) is a Martha Stewart clone who’s replaced her gun fetish for the perfect teacup. Watching these old dogs riff back and forth (Brian Cox, who is never predictable, also stars as a former KGB boss) is a lot of fun, and Karl Urban, as the CIA hit man tasked to take out the RED (retired and extremely dangerous) team, effectively brings a touch of danger and drama to the proceedings.   Director Robert Schwentke must have been pleased to exit the somber confines of his last effort, The Time Traveler’s Wife, and his love for RED’s genre bending material (the movie is based on the Warren Ellis graphic novel) is evident.  It’s also great to see a group of old school actors having fun at their craft, but in the end all of these lovely pieces left me a touch unsatisfied.  RED is that cinematic one-night stand that looks good from the get-go, but after a few drinks, light conversation, and the inevitable skin dance, the event fades from memory.  RED sets off to be “extremely dangerous,” but really, it’s just “mildly entertaining.”

**Retired black-ops CIA agent Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) goes on a “first date” with Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker) in RED:

Join Us On Facebook: http://www.facebook/pages/Hollywood-Outbreak/128699720498771

Follow Us On Twitter: http://twitter.com/hollyoutbreak

Posted by Greg Srisavasdi